The sensation of being stuck is not a pleasant one, and the way out is often unclear. Sometimes you don’t even realize you’re stuck, but you know something’s not right. This is a common state that most people find themselves in at some point in their careers.
What does it mean to be stuck?
The most obvious symptom of being stuck in your career is being passed over for a promotion, particularly if the role goes to someone with less experience or who outwardly seems less qualified in some way. When that happens, it’s easy to get angry at the unfairness or perceived injustice. Before you fall into a spiral of rage and self-pity, try to step back and consider the situation from the decision-maker’s eyes.
Other times, it’s less obvious you’re stuck. I invite my clients to tune into their bodily and mental cues to help diagnose the situation. Are you more tired than usual? Are you snapping at people or quick to lose your patience? Do you dread coming to work? Do you feel uninspired? These can all be signs that it’s time for a change.
Once you’ve identified the need to get unstuck, your next step is to look at the reasons why. Have you done something that gives the impression you’re not ready for a new role? Are you giving off subtle signals that you’re not leadership material? What feedback have you gotten from your manager? Why aren’t you being invited to strategic meetings?
Five changes almost everyone needs to get to the next level of leadership
In my experience coaching people at all levels, some combination of the following themes emerges without fail.
- How do you present yourself?
You’ve heard it said that you only have one chance to make a good first impression. When you’re well past the first impression period, it takes more effort to update people’s perceptions of you. Assess everything—your physical presence, dress, style, hair, grooming, and aura. Do people feel a connection with you when they meet you? Do you come across as trustworthy and empathetic? A coach can be extremely helpful here, but getting honest impressions from trusted friends and family members may also help you diagnose issues with the way you present.
- Do you truly listen when others talk?
Listening is a simple thing that can be very difficult for some people to do. In certain conversations, those of us who are busy, driven, and smart tend to think we already know what the speaker is saying. Instead of listening, we’re busy thinking up our response or (even worse) finishing the speaker’s sentences. Imagine your spouse doing this to you. It’s infuriating at best, and your work colleagues don’t appreciate it either. Not to mention that you’re missing things. You may be 100% smarter than the person you’re talking to, but he or she still needs to be heard and may tell you something you don’t know. Show respect for the speaker and humility in your own spirit by truly listening.
- Do you show empathy and understand your audience?
Showing empathy is the next skill that arises from true listening. Often, when we go into a business conversation, we have an agenda—we want to acquire some information or convince someone to see things our way. I used to be focused on efficient communication, trying to get what I needed as quickly as possible so I could move on. Eventually I realized that this wasn’t working. I needed to empathize with the speaker in order to actually get what I was seeking. A one-hour meeting with a new client’s boss may include 20 minutes of building rapport, getting the boss to break down walls so that I can get a true assessment of my client’s issues.
- Are you surrounded by a diverse group of people?
While it’s tempting to build a team of people who agree with you, it’s counter-productive. Successful teams require a diverse set of skills, approaches, and beliefs. When creating a new team, try to have at least one member who is your polar opposite. Naturally, you want people who have a strong work ethic—you’re looking for different ways of approaching problems.
- Have you built social capital?
Social capital is closely related to your reputation. You build it through strong relationships, being trustworthy and honest, saying what you mean, and doing what you said you would. You can think of building social capital like saving money. When you need access to emergency funds, you have the money available. A negative example is an individual who doesn’t return calls and regularly misses deadlines. He will find himself lacking in social capital due to his past behavior. When a situation arises where he needs others to support him in some way, he’ll have a difficult time mustering up that support. Even if you’re starting with a social capital deficit, it’s never too late to change. Do what you say you will, be accountable for your actions, and show people that you’re reliable. These small things will go a long way over time.
Once you’ve accepted that you’re stuck in some way, give some thought to the five changes above. Be honest with yourself: do others see you the way you perceive yourself? Could making some tweaks be the key to moving forward? Ideally, a champion or mentor can help you identify areas of weakness.
Maybe it’s time to move on
If you’re beginning to think you’re ready for a bigger change than a promotion in your organization can offer, make a list of the three most important elements missing from your current role. What do you need to feel fulfilled and excited to get out of bed most mornings? You may come to see that a major change is in order, and now you can start the process of figuring out what you want to do next.
If it all feels muddy, try a more detailed exercise. Keep a daily journal of your activities. At the end of the week, review what you wrote and highlight what you loved and what you disliked. After a month, look for patterns in the love highlights. Do you have more likes than dislikes in your current job? If not, what are your options? Regardless of whether you choose to stay within your organization or pursue a role elsewhere, you should be clear about what you want before taking any steps in a new direction.
Anna Wildermuth is an Executive Coach and Image Consultant who helps executive clients enhance their credibility, strengthen their relationship-building skills, and understand the many sensitivities and social cues that exist in business. Learn more at https://annaexecutivecoach.com/